Knowing What You Want

Ask for what you want. The Universe. People. They’re not just going to guess that you want something. Go for it. Allow it. Voice it. Talk about it. Write it down. Be open to the possibilities you can create. The beautiful changes awaiting you. The twists in the road (and the bumps along the way). Be bold. Know what you want. Listen to your heart. Follow your intuition and fucking go for it. This is your life. Your one opportunity, why not believe in yourself? Believe in your vision? Believe in your dreams? Even if you come up short in some way, isn’t it better that you gave effort, than to wonder: what if……..
I read all the time about manifesting and yet it still amazes me every time I do it. No matter how small. If you desire it. If you ask. If you pray. If you stay committed to your conviction it will happen. Not always right away. Not always exactly how you envision, but if you’re going to ask, also be prepared to receive.
When I look at back now, I am in awe of the changes that have come the last year. The gradual little tweaks. The manifesting. The magic of staying committed, because often times I was told no once or twice before I got what I wanted. When I moved back to Indiana, I loved a coffee shop. I saw myself getting a job at this local little spot, living in an apartment down the street, doing my own baking, and living a simple little life with freedom and fun.
Now two years later, after I got my mom a job at the local spot. After they told me no, I’ve got my job. After looking at apartments last year

Be Unexpected

BE UNEXPECTED.

This popped into my head today as I was biking around town. Getting lots of stares. Maybe because I have shorts on in January. Maybe it’s my extraordinary leg warmers. Maybe it’s just because people gawk. Maybe it’s because I don’t look like your average Terre Haute commuter. Who knows (maybe it’s actually a little of them all), but I grasped this idea of being unexpected.

As children we’re conditioned. Told who we are. Smart. Beautiful. Artsy. Athletic. Or even negatively. Stupid. Ugly. Fat. We are labeled, and so we often stick to the box we’ve been shoved in to.  We quietly stay in the archetype we’ve been assigned.

I find as an adult, or when we’re meeting new people, we don’t have this back story. We often take people at face value. Rarely do people fully get the experience of one another. Because we are often afraid to show people are true selves. We may share glimpses. Like a partly cloudy day. We don’t just shine in our full potential, a bright sun in the sky.

I find within myself, I kind of enjoy being underestimated. Seeing people’s expressions as they discover more about me. Because that’s it, there is MORE to people than we see or know. There are skills. Passions. Dreams. Challenges. And beauty within us all.

This is It

“Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life.” Robin Sharma

It’s funny that this popped up on my Pinterest board because I’ve been thinking along these lines lately. Recently I’ve had several conversations about safety and security. I’ve always been told I’m a dreamer. I’ve been told how/who to be. You’re smart, be a doctor. Do something where you make more money. Don’t ride your bide, drive. Or at least let me give you a ride. Don’t live in a shed. Don’t you want heat? Why are you going to California? Aren’t you scared? Are you really hiking by yourself? Why start your own business? Are you making money? Save for retirement. Maybe you need someone to bring you out of the clouds. You could do anything, are you sure this is what you want? Why change?

I believe in infinite possibilities. I believe in passion. I believe in taking risks. I believe in dreams. I believe in my dreams. I believe in me.

I am also afraid of delayed living. I am terrified to wake up when I’m 80 and realize I’ve live how I should, but feel completely unfulfilled. I’m afraid of not listening to my heart. To my intuition. I’m afraid of not falling in love. Of never knowing its pleasures and pain. I’m afraid of exchanging passion for mindless work and a paycheck. I’m afraid of not embracing those little moments. Kisses. Smiles. Laughter. My nephews. I’m afraid of missing out on life in the here and now. Of knowing there is a mountain out there calling my name and I never answered, because I was waiting…..waiting for everything to line up ‘perfectly’. But then perfect never comes. I’m afraid of smothering my creativity. Of editing to please everyone, rather than digging into my own imagination and letting the right people come to value what I have to offer. I’m afraid of letting my voice be stifled. Of remaining silent and let someone else narrate.

Life to Tears

“Live to the point of tears.” Albert Camus

This morning as I sat on our closed in porch watching the snow fall, coffee in hand warming my body, journal in the other diving into what I am thankful for lighting up my soul, I go back to Jason Silva, back to this Camus quote.

I get this quote.. I’ve been there. I want to be there more. When we lived in Colorado. I hiked the same path every Sunday, but one day I looked up. I looked up and saw the changing Aspen trees of the Fall. The fresh, first snow of the season blanketing the top of the mountain. I was overwhelmed. Lost for words. As Jason points out, I was moved, transported, shaken, touched by something greater than myself. I cried. Reduced to nothing but tears. And I stood there. I stood there, tears streaming untouched down my face and I took it in. I felt that awe. It washed over me. I tried to capture it, but it eluded in me. I could not capture on my phone that feeling. I couldn’t grasp the beauty completely. But that life to tears bit, that is a feeling I want more of.

Giving Presence

Find your breath. Inhale. Exhale. Put away your phone. Don’t even take it inside. Stop. Be there. Be here now. Be open. Listen. Give others the gift of presence. Give them your energy. Your attention. Give them your love. Be here now.

 

Saying Yes to No

I’m so tired of the anthem, “I’m so busy.” Everything that’s on your plate is there because you said yes to it.

Recently Lululemon released this little gem of a video about giving presence this holiday season (something we should give everyday?). This quote came from the wildly brilliant Danielle LaPorte. I LOVE this quote. When my friends broke up with their boyfriends earlier this year, I thought and talked to them a lot about space (or time if you will). When someone leaves our lives there is a gap, a space opens up. How do you fill the void of time you spent with them? So when I think of it in that way, I also realize that we are constantly determining how to fill our space. We are deciding how we spend our time. Who is there. Where we go. What we do. How do you fill up your space? No one else is responsible for it but you. What are you creating? What are you saying yes to? What are you saying no to?

I agree with Danielle that we often glorify and applaud busyness. Especially this time of year, we are so busy getting ready for the Holiday, are we truly celebrating and enjoying it? Why? Why fill up our lives with a bunch of mindless check points? What if we did fewer things with more intention? With more mindfulness? What if we did things we are passionate about? What if we made space for people who fill us up? Who energize us? Who inspire us?

Filtering out the Bullshit

“As soon as I am out the door headed for a walk, I am hit with a breath of freedom. As soon as I am surrounded by trees, consumed by the woods, I filter out the bullshit. There is only me. There is only pristine clarity. JOY.” Me, Brittany.

This is the first thing I wrote in my journal yesterday (the lovely one with a Thoreau quote pictured above). And it is absolutely true. I have found myself slipping away from hiking as much lately (I want to hike everyday, I may make it out a couple of times a week). But for me I know I need  to be more committed. We all have ways we deal with life. Ways we explore our feelings (or often, ways we avoid our feelings). Ways we feel connected. Ways we reboot. Ways we refuel, recharge, energize. We all have things we are passionate about. I am passionate about being outside.

Finding & Creating Places of Peace

After spending the afternoon on an impromptu room makeup, I contemplated the importance of finding and creating peaceful places. Where do you go to chill out? Where do you go for inspiration? Where do you feel calm? Where do you feel connected? Where do you feel you can surrender? Where do you feel most authentic? Where do you feel connected to yourself? To your dreams? To your desires? Where do you feel you can grow?

There is such a release in having not only a space which is organized and clean, but one that represents you and your state of mind. Coming down the stairs and into my room, I instantly feel reprieve. My shoulders drop. My breath is even and deep. I feel calm. More than that, I feel vulnerable. If someone else comes with me, it’s like letting them into my head. My heart. Into my deepest desires. My style. My swagger. My dreams. My creativity. My thoughts. It’s why my mom went to my shed when I was away in Colorado, it felt like me.

More than that though is the peace I mentioned. When rearranging my space, I wanted to make sure I have a place within this haven that I can practice peace. Lately at work, the girls have been asking, ‘How do I stay positive?’ ‘How do I de-stress?’ Firstly, I guess it’s flattering that I seem to have my shit together. But when I look at where I’ve come from, I realize the strides I’ve made. And the truth is I’ve practiced. I’ve chosen to chill out. I’ve decided to be an optimist. Looking at the bright side is

What’s your story?

Part of my goal in life is to be undefinable. I’ve spent the last few years, annihilating the person I thought I was or rather, the person I am ‘supposed’ to be. Ive become aware of some of my fears, and I’ve pushed (push) beyond them. Beyond my self imposed impossibilities and comfort zones. One of my biggest fears is existence. To go through life and notions. To not experience it. To be present for it’s magic, challenges, losses, gifts, lessons, blessings. That I won’t feel it. That I won’t embrace it. I’m terrified of not living my potential.

I am also afraid of boxes. No I don’t mean corrugated cardboard boxes, but in being labeled and defined into a neat box. As if you could look me up in a dictionary and there would be a nice, tidy, proper explanation of me. It makes me feel anxious and claustrophobic just thinking about it.For in the box there are no changes. No growth. No surprises. No spontaneity. There are limitations, rules, and standards. Standards to live up to, to abide by. There is no flexibility, it makes my neck stiff just thinking about it. I don’t want to confine myself to a box. I want to live beyond it. I want people to struggle for adjectives to describe me, before settling on she’s just Brittany.

As I watched Fault in Our Stars recently I found myself bawling for so many reasons. Part was when Gus asked Hazel her story. When she went to repeat herself, he said, no not your cancer story, but YOUR story.

A few months ago when I was reading my water meters, I stopped at a home where a beautiful women was outside on a hot summer day, playing in a sprinkler with her sons. I was stopped by her laugh. Her joyous laugh and smile, as she was consumed and caught up in play. As she approached me, she kept repeatedly apologizing for not having a wig or hat on. She’d just gone through chemotherapy. I insisted she looked beautiful and radiant (because she was). She still apologized.

Make room for love: forgive quicker

I can’t love someone if I can’t forgive them and move (myself included).

This is pretty much what I’ve determined lately. I’ve changed so many things  the last few months (actually the last few years of my life have pretty much been a remodel). And I have been a roller coaster. I admit. I love change. I embrace. I yearn for it, I seek it out. But if I’m being honest, I don’t always handle it gracefully. Sometimes I’m resistance. Some changes take me longer to adjust to. Also in my self-evaluation I have not been up to par on my relationships or communication. Instead of using my big girl words and sharing my thoughts and feelings, instead of being open, I’ve kept things to myself or I’ve complained to someone else. This is so not how I want to be. And so I have, am changing it. The first step is awareness. So I call myself out: get spiritual Brittany. Get peaceful. Be open. And for goodness sake communicate.

My parents recently celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary (I know right? In today’s culture this is a big deal). Part of what I wrote on my post for what they’ve taught me is communication. It is so vital for a long thriving relationship.

And so the details of my friendship complications aren’t relevant, but what they’ve taught me are monumental. What I found myself doing was focusing on how I felt I