I am a big fan of manifesting. I full on believe in putting out into the Universe what you from it. Ask and you shall receive. Law of Attraction. Dreaming BIG. Living your dreams. Meditating. BELIEVING. Letting go and knowing the Universe will take care of you. I also realize that you still have to take action in order to make some of this shit (or shift as my cousin Jacki says) happen. Looking back I often surprise myself with some of the bold, beyond comfort zone steps I’ve taken in recent years. But these big steps, these risks, these uncomfortable feelings are worth it, 100%. The most rewarding experiences of my life.
Let’s look at it. You want to travel the world? Okay you can think about. Make vision boards. Meditate on it. Tap on it. But you are not going to Europe without buying that plane ticket. You still have to board the plane. If you want it, put some energy into it. The other day scrolling on pinterest I found this wonderful pin and it seemed to balance my feelings of living for today, while also working on goals. If you want a new inspiring job, you have to put out some applications. PUT IT OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE. A simple example is that a month ago I was relating to a friend that I was contemplating making waffles for the market. Boom, she had a waffle maker in her trunk and said I could use it.
When I get that stuck feeling or like things are changing or moving (although they constantly are) I look back to the steps I’ve taken. Then I think, okay you want to build. Start laying more bricks. I wanted to start my own food business. My three blissful states are: writing, hiking, and cooking. How do I live them? So I applied, and applied again to the farmer’s market. I got rejected not once, but twice. When they told me no I set my ass up on the side of the road with a little roadside stand. If you knew the ‘shy’ little girl I used to be, you would know how huge a leap this is to let people zoom past me in cars. To look at me. To look at my food. Living your dreams can be incredibly vulnerable, naked, and exposed feeling. But the love of cooking is stronger than the fear of being seen. Continue reading →
My friend broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago. Recent revelations have sent her reeling with hurt. My response today was that she is-BETTER- off. Everything in life happens for a reason. And once it does, there are no take backs. I may be a future tripper, but staring at my ass and regretting anything doesn’t happen often. Learn and grow. Every experience, interaction, relationship, ‘failure’, dark period is an opportunity. The eternal optimist in me yearns to see the positive in life. In situations. In actions. In thoughts. Keep expanding. We always have the chance to get (become) better with each lesson. When a relationship ends there is the void. We are used to talking to them, seeing them, touching them, texting them. When the relationship, friendship, whatever ends, there is a hole. A hole, a wound, that has to heal. Healing takes times and leaves scars. But to me scars are such a beautiful thing (and I mean physical as well). They are essential to our story. Something we have learned. But today when I text her, I also realized that relationships take up space in our lives.With her ex gone, she now has open space. Open space to fill with people who really love and adore her unconditionally. We decide who, what fill up our space.
And so today as I had a perfect day with my family, I realized that I too needed to focus on this space. How to fill it? Who do I want there? I may love everyone, but I want my spaces loaded with people who fill me up. I want to be surrounded by positive people. People who inspire me. People who live in the moment. People who are passionate. People who are creative. People who believe. Who believe in themselves. Who believe in possibilities. People with soul. I want to fill space with people who love nature. Who seek adventure. Who live awe. Continue reading →
I think one of the most courageous acts we can make is to be ourselves, unapologetically and completely. To own our stories. To own our flops. To own our strengths. To be true to ourselves 100%. To live our dreams. To create our own vision. To express our actual feelings. To be vulnerable. To be weird. To be bold. To be different. To share. To share our heart. To share our souls. To sing out loud. To dance, even when others are watching. To paint our masterpiece. To write a badass book. To believe in ourselves. To believe in our potential. To say, “yes you can.”
One of my biggest challenges, but one of my biggest strengths, I believe is being myself. In a world, where others (media, society, family, friends) are trying to mold us into someone else, marching to your own beat is not really a standard. Again I say, “where is this rule book everyone is following to live a perfect, ideal, successful life.” Because I may believe in One and one love, but I think it is one love in billions of different, unique varieties. I’ve been told I was smart my whole life. You should be a doctor I’ve been told. You shouldn’t live in a shed. You shouldn’t ride your bike. Why don’t you get a ‘real’ job? When I say I want to go on certain travel adventures or hiking or color my hair purple or go hunting, one of my own dear friends like to tell me ‘no.’ I still say yes. Thanks for looking out for me, but I do not want to live a safe life. I want to live my life. Sing my song. Life is too precious to be anything other than yourself. To take bold action and risks. I’ve got this tattoo on my ribs that says:
Summer seems like such a celebration time. A plethora of birthdays with mother and father and memorial appreciations. What I’ve come to realize is that I am no longer doing physical presents. It’s not because I am a tight-ass, but I want to give presence. I want to give time. I want to create memories. I want to stop the bullshit that flitters through my mind sometimes, relax, and be with that person. I want to engage. I want to listen to them. I want to play.
My nephew Trenton just turned 5. I took him to Turkey Run State Park in celebration of his big day. No t-shirt he’ll outgrow or some toy destined to gather dust in their attic, will replace the memories and photos I have of Trenton chugging away in the park with his Super T cape on. Jumping in every puddle, looking up at me with a smile and light in his eyes as he thanks me for them (like I put them there), for letting him splash through them, rather than telling him ‘no’. Walking behind him as he grabs Dane’s hands as they navigate through the valleys dwarfed by the surrounding rocks. The feeling as his little hand reaches up to grab mine. Him telling stories after we encounter a snake. The tears in his eyes from the tiny rocks in his shoes, as I sweep him up onto my back, the hero for the day, caring my little Super Explorer home. I will have that experience in my heart forever. As he grows. As he starts having sleep overs. As he starts hanging out with friends. As he starts driving. I will always have that little five-year-old Trenton hiking in the woods on his fifth birthday. And he had me. For hours. For miles. He had me. What a sweet Continue reading →
I have been moving. After spending three-years in my little shed, I have ventured into town into the basement of my friend Chelsey’s new home. After spending so much time simplifying, I am now faced with the temptation of wanting. When my friends are going to TJMaxx or Hobby Lobby or searching the internet for more stuff, my ego sometimes gets caught up. I’ll catch myself thinking, “maybe I need more clothes or candles or more _______ (insert something material).” In a world, rather a society, where we are constantly striving and wanting more, how can we want less? How can we be content with what we have? When do we stop buying more stuff?
This really has been on my mind the last month. What I’ve found to accompany the want is more future tripping. So how do you step away from it? How does the law of attraction want and what do I want thing play into this? Life is happening now. How can I be present and fulfilled in the present moment if I’m thinking of future acquirements and goals obtained? It is an ebb and flow in my thoughts. Here is what I have found for myself.
I need to go Danielle LaPorte style and ask myself, “how do I want to feel.” Boom this is where the journey all starts. Rather than ask what do I want to buy, ask how you want to feel. Shift. Transition. Perspective turn. I find in asking myself how I want to feel, I realize that I am capable of those feelings now. I cannot forgot what simplifying and living in my shed did to my perspective. When I gave up all my shit and taking care of it, I gained life. It is amazing the abundance awaiting you when you let go. Letting go of my material possessions, brought my soulful possessions to the surface. My gratitude soared. My appreciation for my family and friends multiplied. It filled my heart up 100%. My gut and intuition voices spoke louder and clearer. I got in tune with myself, with my dreams, with my passions, with what drives me. I spent my days doing more of what made me happy. I hiked. I wrote. I started my own baking business. I started speaking my truth. I started owning my authenticity. I valued time more. I started loving more. I gained freedom. Freedom to travel. To say yes. To fly. Continue reading →
I’ve found myself being busy lately. And then I had a mind-blowingly awesome hike today and I thought the hell are you so busy with?
“We need to make sure that we never get too busy with life that we don’t have time to live.” ― Daniel Willey
It hit me as I rounded the bend by the lake and stopped stunned by the perfectly blue sky mirrored in the lake. The sunlit green trees. The breathtaking nature scene I was blessed to behold. The one that made me stop. You claim you are in a building mode. I am. I am constructing my dreams. But I still have to live somewhere. I glance down to the tattoo on my forearm:
Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.
I was just thinking the other day how the meaning and reminder of this tattoo has changed for me. Initially it told me to go BIG. Dream. Chase them. But now it means to me that I am living in my dreams. Be present. Let your waking, breathing, talking, walking life be your dreams. This is life, happening right now. You are living in your dreams. Now. Now is the moment to believe them. Now is the moment to take action. But today I reminded myself, to not just be busy for busyness sakes, but spend your time living. Take time to do what you love. Stop applying a list to daily life. Stop living according to check marks. Get motivated. Get it done, with enthusiasm and joy. Love where you are, when you’re there. It’s okay. Take time to do what makes you happy. Take time away from being busy, to be alive. Be busy living your life. Creating joy. Creating experiences. Being happy. Smiling. Laughing dancing. Hiking. Being with family and friends. Doing things you are passionate about. Everything will get done at the right time. Trust in the universe and yourself. Let go for a moment. Believe it will get done and set aside to time (make time) for the joyful moments. Continue reading →
Last week I spoke about my tendency to be thinking six steps ahead and then I received an honest text about my baking from a dear friend:
To make them better would be to lower the baking temperature and bake a little longer. Try this with your bars too. A little under baking would make them moister. Slow down and breathe! Love you!
Now sometimes advice can make us what to defend and retaliate. But this is coming from a soul-sister of mine and she is reminding of what I need to hear. She knows I may be thinking of ALL I have to bake rather than focusing on what I’m baking right now. But this text hit me more than just baking advice. How often do I catch myself hurrying? Where am I trying to get to?
At work I’ll time myself baking. I am constantly looking at the clock to see if I am behind or ahead. My goal is to push out a lot of work in a short period of time. Or when I read my water meters I time myself. Why? Why the rush? What am I so desperate to get to? Because honestly most of the time I’ll end up rushing from one thing to another to the next thing. A constant state of strife. Where is it that I am trying to arrive? I have no freaking clue. But I heard Mary loud and clear:
The law of attraction still blows my mind! Every time I ask for something and get it, I am baffled, awed, and completely appreciative. The more I relax. The more I let go. The less I try to control life and situations. The more I trust. The more I trust I am taken care of. The more I give power to the universe to guide me, the more I notice the power in the law of attraction. Yesterday was one of those days. It seemed so effortless to be guided. What I also picked up on is that even though the universe may present us with opportunities, it is up to us to take them. To accept them. To accept our dreams. To believe in them. To believe in ourselves. Because the ego can be a tricky little guy. I have (and probably will again) let my ego, fear, and comfort zones keep me from things I wanted. When given a chance, my ego tore it to shreds. It beat it with excuses. And killed it with doubt. Then I let it pass. I let opportunities pass me by. Be. Be aware of opportunities and also in your power of choice.
Let me tell you about this day! All day I’m thinking about the Farmer’s Market. In July they start a midweek market. As soon as I got home I began searching. I searched their website. I checked facebook. Nada. Hmm….. I open my email thinking of emailing Majel a quick question and then right there in my inbox is already an email from Majel entitled: Midweek Farmer’s Market. Really? I wanted it. But as time progressed, I watched as my ego tried to talk me out of it. Out of paying the vendor fee. Out of asking my boss to change my work schedule again. Do they want bakers? Don’t people want produce. On went the bullshit. And then finally I stopped entertaining my ego. This is what I want. I want to build my brand and business. I want to be out there. Meeting people. Talking to people. Letting them try my food. I want to reach more people. I want freedom. I want to do more of what I love. I want to live with passion. Why would I turn that down? That’s right I’m not. I sent Majel an “I”m in email,” and set it on my intentions to talk to work today. Boom, taken care of. ACTion is a go. Continue reading →
Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate. ~Jordan Bach
Boom this is radical! Just read this in my Miracles Now book by Gabby Bernstein and I HAD to stop and write. I’ve been thinking along these lines lately. In thinking about beauty and thinking about people and my friends, I repeat to myself: look for the good. Instead of pointing out ‘flaws’ in your body, rock and go with some powerful affirmations about it’s beauty. Instead of focusing on what drives you crazy about someone, shift and think about something positive about them. What do you like about them? Instead of thinking life sucks or you’re getting shit on, turn your pity party into a chance for growth and an adventure to find something positive. Bring your vibration up. Center your thoughts on what brings you joy. Do more of those things. Give more compliments. Find what you love!
So in celebration I felt right away when I read this (instinctually) to share some of the things I love. Focus on that. Enjoy that!
I love life. Man it feels so good to wake up in the morning. I give thanks for rising each day. What potential this morning has. What opportunities this day has. What possibilities await me. I am alive and like my brother-in-law said, “There are no bad days, some are simply better than others.” Make this one of the best.
I love my family. Spending time with my six, four, and 1 year-old nephews brings me such happiness. The innocence. The curiosity. I love it when Trenton’s lost on a story or jumps on the phone to talk to me. I love waking up squished in between him and Gavin, watching them sleep so content and perfectly. I love all the facial expressions the twins make. How they are constantly watching and wondering what I’m doing. How they sleep perfectly on my chest when we are napping together. I love deep conversations with my dad after we’ve finished shooting our bows. Looking up into the trees or into the sky pondering life and nature. I love when my brother laughs. He is so pure and innocent, any time with him melts my heart. I love catching moments with my sister, where we are alike. When we’re reminiscing about the same old-time band. When I discover commonalities I never knew existed. When we’re on a creative tangent. Any time I’m with my mom. If it’s in kettlebell classes. Or bike races in front of the house. Or walking with Todd’s mom Sharon. It is fun. It makes me smile. Family time is always a treasured time. Family time is also friend time. Whether we’re gathered together in the kitchen for a family dinner. Or sitting around watching our latest tv series obsession. Or impromptu trips to sushi. The dynamic of us all together flows.
I love cooking. I love baking. Ever since I was a little girl the kitchen has felt like home to me. My dad is a bomb-ass cook. Plus I have two stellar grandma’s who’ve spent decades putting homemade meals on the table for relatively large families. I love holidays at the Paulin’s with their open concept space, I can flow from kitchen to living rooms and connect with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. We laugh. We drink wine. We sample. We tell stories. Kitchens to me have always been a place of gathering together. Growing up in the country. We didn’t go to town often. With no cable as well, we spent our summers outside patrolling the neighborhood with our cousins. Then at night the family sat at the table for a home-cooked meal by my father. I used to stand in that kitchen baking a pie a day just for the fun of it. Or I’d be in there by myself making stir fry, practicing for my future cooking show. I think now too, that the kitchen and food has become a way for me to express myself. It’s become a creative energy outlet. When I was younger I liked to sketch and people always told me to be an artist. Now today it has morphed into what I can create in the kitchen. I put my creativity, my energy, my love, my soul into the food I make, and to me that is what makes a really, good tasty meal. Turn on some music, let me sing and dance around the kitchen and I am set. That is not working, that is incandescent love.
I love writing. I used to get discouraged writing when I was younger, because the thoughts seemed so much better in my head than when I tried to write them down on paper. The eloquence was lost in translation. But then as I grew older, my passion for writing transformed. When I needed to deal with life, with my thoughts, when I struggling, when I was happy, when I just needed to clear my freaking head, I started writing. It felt so good. Now I write, because I truly enjoy it. Going back and reading my own stuff can often re-inspire me. It tracks were I’ve been. What I’ve done. And reminds me to believe in where I’m going. It is yet another avenue for me to express myself. It is also a gift. As a visual person, writing it down and sharing my heart, soul, and thoughts is a true blessing. You can give a person a new shirt or something shiny, but what if you give them a part of your heart? Do more of what you’re passionate about.
I love hiking. Again I go back to that country thing. What fucking rad parents I have. I’ve been thinking that more and more lately. The outdoors were instilled in us. My father was a hunter and fisherman (as well as my grandfather who is in the fishing hall of fame). We took camping trips. We went hiking. I dragged deer out of the woods on my birthday. We went mushroom hunting. We grew gardens, and my brother and I actually had self reliance instilled in us when we would plant, weed, pick and sale our own sweet corn each year for school shopping money. But as a child you don’t always appreciate the values your parents are trying to instill in you. However, as I approached adulthood, I felt this pull towards Nature. Just like writing, it became a way for me to deal with my thoughts and feelings. More than that hiking, being in the trees, being surrounded by nature helped me explore myself. It helps me recharge, refuel, and reconnect. Reconnect to myself. My thoughts. My passions. My purpose. My beliefs. My dreams. It is on top of a tall hill, or the journey up that mountains where I feel clarity. I feel alive. I feel instinctual. I am in flow with my intuition. Decisions seem clear. There is no second guessing. I just know what to do next. Plus it is completely humbling. When I lived in Colorado I was taken aback by the paradoxical feelings I’d get in the mountains. Part of me felt humbled and small at the majesty and perfection of the giant mountains surrounding me. My problems and worries felt small. I felt small. But then I was also filled with this sense that I was full of potential and possibilities. I felt the world is full of possibilities. I hike to save my soul. To deal. To heal. It is a must.
I found myself at the market this weekend: no cookies. No muffin,s you can’t sell them. We don’t always get what we want. The market actually told me no 3 times before I got in. Patience and belief pay off, but what do you do in the meantime while you’re waiting on the bigger yes?
As I stood talking to other vendors about the limitations facing us due to the owners of the space and more restrictions from the health department, I found myself saying, “It’s okay.” I can make it happen. I think no is an opportunity. Our reactions to no is what really matters.
The last three years I have been hit over and over with no. The bottom literally fell out of my post-college graduation dreams. I watched them completely crumble, til I was left feeling stripped, naked, and confused. Where do you go when your dreams shatter? And so I started re-building. And I’ve gotten knocked down repeatedly. I questioned: how many times can you fall and get back up? But I stayed up. I kept bouncing back. Being positive, being grateful are practices I HAVE to do. Not a nice idea, but what have kept me from drowning. As I realize that I’m in that phase, that building phase, I embrace. I embrace the journey. I embrace the no’s. I change how I think, how I feel. Want it. Ask for it. Allow for it to happen. Keep believing. Continue reading →