Just What is it You Want?

002I have been reading Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map lately. I love the layout. I love the content. I’ve taken cues to fill in the questions. To scribble in the side margins. To make the desires, the wants my own. It has forced me to do some soul-searching. Its made me get real with myself. Real honest. Self-reflection I believe is empowering, but also unbelievably scary. It makes me feel vulnerable. It makes me see where I need to make changes, and although most often I embrace change, sometimes BIG changes scare the shit out of me. Like I mentioned that comfort zone is a temptress sometimes. But then I say: this is your one life. What do you want to create? What do you want to give? How do you want to feel?

And so today as I sat at a soulful, feel-good coffee-house with my Desire Map in hand: I asked myself to fill in the blank: what the fuck do you want? In a time when I am making changes, as life evolves, as I grow the wants change. Keep up with them. With your core desires. Refine them. Redefine them. Extend. Add. Subtract. Nourish. Fuel. Water. Plant. Replant. Start-over. Begin. Focus on. Reflect. Reconnect. Listen. Go. Act. Let. Let them happy. What can you do for your desires today? How do you feel today? What are you doing in this moment? Does it align with your values? With your dreams? With your soul?

So I filled in the lines. I wrote in the margin. I searched every corner of my soul. And I allowed myself to be truthful.

Just what the fuck do you want?

I want to smile. Sweet smiles. Smiles that come from my soul. Smiles that beam through my eyes. Smiles that get return smiles. Smiles that are open. Smiles that feel special. A smile for the whole room. Smiles that are natural and infectious.

I want connection. Oh boy do I ever want connections lately. To my friends. To my family. To strangers. I find myself reaching out. Talking more. Initiating more. Seeking out new connections. More friend requests. More follows. More likes. More engagement. More conversations.

To feel. In the past I’ve found my unhealthy way of ‘dealing’ with my feelings was to eat. Now I realize that it is essential to feel my feelings. Good and bad. Let them wash over me. But also create healthy habits for feelings. Go to the woods. Feel them there. Explore them. Grow them. Dispel them. Get real with them. Also one of my greatest fears is merely existing. And so feeling, experiencing has become part of my practice. What makes me feel alive? Do those things. Write more. Meditate more. Hike more. Adventure more. Breathe consciously more often. Spend time with my family. Let go. Be present. Boom, that’s a big one, surrendering to the current moment, allows me to truly feel alive in my own skin, secure in my own soul, connected to my intuition.

I want to dance. I want to sing. I love to just let my feelings take over. Dance I feel is a great expression of this. To just let go on the dance floor. To let your limbs take over. To swing your hair around. Talk about presence and letting go. Loose yourself in dance. Loose it in a song. Dance party in the kitchen? Night out on the town, burning it down? Karaoke night anyone?

I want to feel vibrant, healthy, and pure vitality. I want to lift heavy kettlebells. I want awareness of my body in space and time. Lost in a beautiful windmill. Focused on the muscles. On the breathtaking strength and power my body has. I want surrender. Surrender on a yoga mat. Focused on my breathing. On my flexibility. On my possibilities. I want to get lost and found in the woods. I want adventure. I want to connect to myself. To my thoughts, feelings, purpose. I want to go and go. I want to climb. I want to let loose and run down a hill. Full-steam ahead. I want fuel. Good-soulful food and fuel. Natural foods. Foods I’ve found. Food from my favorite farmers. Lovingly prepared with my own two hands. Food that feels good. Food that tastes good.

I want to love. I want to love myself. I want to know what self-acceptance feels like. I want to be open to others. I want to believe in others. I want to give complete strangers a chance. I want to give others the gift of letting them be themselves. Authenticity. I want to allow myself to be. To stay true myself, weirdness included. I want to see value in myself. Value in all. I want to be a positive seeker. Positive beauty. Positive vibes. Positive personality. Rather than catching someone doing Continue reading

How are you showing up? Shine and Be Radiant

You are an exceptional person and this planet could use more people just like you! I love your creativity, your spontaneity, your beautiful open face, smile and heart. You are not of this world..only heavenly creatures beam the warmest and brightest light…and this is what you do for my world. Never let the world change you!!!

Every morning I give thanks. Every morning I pray. Every morning I set my desires and intentions for the day. Reading Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map has got me set to boldly exclaim what I want. In the past I’ve let myself want things, but still placed limitations on them, or thought that they were silly, or thought I was being needy. Lately I’ve dove into: HOW DO YOU WANT TO FEEL? So when I’ve set my intentions on my way to work in the mornings, recently I’ve added: I want to be radiant.

Just because I’ve exclaimed it doesn’t mean others feel it. Doesn’t mean my comfort zone for so long wasn’t to hide. To fit in. To try to be perfect. Doesn’t mean I’m not afraid to be different. Doesn’t mean I don’t have doubts. Doesn’t mean my ego doesn’t interfere. But the enthusiasm, the joy, the yearning to be radiant, to be truly loving wins out. Back to my Continue reading

No Longer Shy

everything you wantGrowing up I was a ridiculously shy girl. Literally racked with terror, I would never approach anyone. I couldn’t even wait in line.  Embarrassment came at the drop of a hate. But most of all I feel I wasted a lot of time waiting. Waiting on life to happen. Waiting on people to initiate conversations with me. Waiting to be approached. Waiting to be spoken to first. Waiting…waiting…waiting. Why not me? Why can I not be that person? That bold, blunt person? That person who talks to stranger? That person who smiles first? That person to break the ice with a compliment? That person to stick their neck out?

Lately I’ve noticed that I didn’t want to just ask myself these why not questions. And I am not that shy girl anymore. It’s time to bust through blocks. Like my California journey taught me, I don’t have to be the character I’ve created. I don’t have to believe the lies I’ve told myself. I don’t have to be who I think others and the world want me to be. And I don’t have to wait. Now is the time to start being bold. It is the time to start letting go. Now is the time to say fuck it to comfort zones. Now is the time to smile. The time to dance. The time to sing. The time to build dreams. The time to enjoy. The time to connect. The time to do my best. The time to extend. The time to believe in possibilities and potential. To believe in my power. My potential. Now is the time to approach. To be me. To be magnetic. To be radiant. The time to initiate. The time to be the first. Now is the time to compliment. Now is the perfect time for laughter. Now is the time for joy. For inner happiness to pour out. For passion. For purpose. For drive. Now is the time to be courageous. Continue reading

Be an Artist of Life

I am on a journey...with my work, my explorations, and a few sad stories. I travel with a suitcase full of outrageous blessings. I am on a quest for truth, beauty, and quiet joy. I am an artist, a writer, an explorer.Growing up everyone told me I should be an artist. I was even voted most artistic in my class. When I was in fifth grade you have the option to either take strings or newspaper. However, the year I was in fifth grade they offered advanced art (like it was a little gift just for me). It was then that I fell incandescently in love with sketching portraits. Needless to say I didn’t actually study art. But I have noticed how the artist, the creative, eccentricity has manifested into other areas of my life. In my makeup. In my personal style. In my bedroom. In my business. In baking. A month ago I was talking with Tab about my artist past and she said,

But Brittany, you are an artist. An artist of life.

Boom, reason at least a billion of why I have such radical friends. She’s right. Life is an art. For some it may be music. A song and soundtrack. For me it is a vivid happy scenery I paint. One that I love irrevocably. A beautiful, magical experience. I love sharing my beautiful views of the world. In my photography. In the spark of my eyes. In my food. In my booth. In my clothes. It’s in my dreams. In the chase. In the journey. It’s the beautiful climb to the top and the breathtaking view from the top. It’s the Continue reading

You don’t know what you’re doing, and that’s okay

Loving yourself whether you are in a relationship or not is what makes you happy. No other human has the power to do that to you like you can.   ☯I told you everything was lining up for you; that the right people were headed your way; that the right things would be said; that you’d become a total love magnet; and that very little of this would be apparent as it was unfolding, yet in hindsight you’d see the stunning perfection.

It’s just that right now, you’re mostly in the unfolding part.

All is according to plan.

Oh thank you Universe for this truth bomb delivered to my inbox this morning. Occasionally I have these moments. Vulnerable moments, where I momentarily just need space to breath. A moment to cry. A moment to feel. Yesterday I had one such moment. I was socked in the gut with the realization that, “Brittany you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.” It’s kind of a running joke with my dad that we say we know nothing. Or that we’re all winging. But when you are hit with it that you truly know nothing. That you are not in control. Well sometimes you (okay I) experience a less than graceful response.

Lately I have felt a little stuck. I have made loads of changes the last year. Looking back I can see that. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel restless. When I look at my inspiration, get your ass-in-gear boards at the bottom of the stairs, I prompt myself, “what are you doing for your dreams? What are you doing for your soul? How are you progressing towards your dream?” On one such day on a whim I got off work and filled out an application for another bakeshop in town. There weren’t any open positions and I didn’t really bank on them calling me. Like I said it was a whim. Then they called me for an interview. Enter the problem. My gut was off. I was having my strong intuition kick in. I thought about not taking it. It would be easy to stay and be complacent where I am.

Comfort. That bitch comfort zone got to me. I’ve gotten comfortable at the Pie Company. Comfortable with my routine. Comfortable with the people. I oddly even enjoy the chaos and my lovable (slightly crazy, but who isn’t) co-workers. I like going to work. But there is no movement. No mobility. And if I’m being honest I let it distract me from building and creating my own business because I’m there all the time making pies for them. The Pie Company has become a safety net for me. And I was afraid of leaving my comfort zone. Continue reading

Take a Moment and Laugh More Often

How sweet life is with a little laughter and a smile on your face?

I believe it is a true skill and blessing to be able to laugh at yourself. I feel sometimes when we become adults we turn serious. Sticks get shoved up our asses. We spend our time trying to be someone for another person or to impress others. Where is the fun? The silliness? The lightheartedness? Why are we so damn serious?

My life mantra in recent years has been:

Life is fun.

(Thank you Tao of Pooh you’ve saved me time trying to figure this out on my own.)

And so I seek fun. I have fun. I enjoy joking. I enjoy emoting a kind of playfulness. I’ll rock a tutu. I’ll sing out loud. And if I do something stupid, instead of being to cool for school or beating myself up, I laugh.

For instance today I was daydreaming (shocker), wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing, hit a pole with my bike, busted my ass and fell HARD. So I laid there and laughed for a moment. A real laugh. I let some of my happy out. Brittany you dumb ass that was kind of awesome. And if I’d seen someone bust it like me, it would probably make my day, not going to lie.

Lesson of the day and not to self (besides watching where you’re going): let life be fun. Life is more enjoyable when you laugh and smile more. Even if sometimes it’s at your own expense.

Taking ACTion

Think about what actions make you the happiest and take those actions today! Whether its being kind to strangers, supporting a friend in need, or making steps to build a brighter future for yourself and your loved ones, happiness is available to all of us when we take the right steps. How will you create happiness for yourself and others today?I am a big fan of manifesting. I full on believe in putting out into the Universe what you from it. Ask and you shall receive. Law of Attraction. Dreaming BIG. Living your dreams. Meditating. BELIEVING. Letting go and knowing the Universe will take care of you. I also realize that you still have to take action in order to make some of this shit (or shift as my cousin Jacki says) happen. Looking back I often surprise myself with some of the bold, beyond comfort zone steps I’ve taken in recent years. But these big steps, these risks, these uncomfortable feelings are worth it, 100%. The most rewarding experiences of my life.

Let’s look at it. You want to travel the world? Okay you can think about. Make vision boards. Meditate on it. Tap on it. But you are not going to Europe without  buying that plane ticket. You still have to board the plane. If you want it, put some energy into it. The other day scrolling on pinterest I found this wonderful pin and it seemed to balance my feelings of living for today, while also working on goals. If you want a new inspiring job, you have to put out some applications. PUT IT OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE. A simple example is that a month ago I was relating to a friend that I was contemplating making waffles for the market. Boom, she had a waffle maker in her trunk and said I could use it.

When I get that stuck feeling or like things are changing or moving (although they constantly are) I look back to the steps I’ve taken. Then I think, okay you want to build. Start laying more bricks. I wanted to start my own food business. My three blissful states are: writing, hiking, and cooking. How do I live them? So I applied, and applied again to the farmer’s market. I got rejected not once, but twice. When they told me no I set my ass up on the side of the road with a little roadside stand. If you knew the ‘shy’ little girl I used to be, you would know how huge a leap this is to let people zoom past me in cars. To look at me. To look at my food. Living your dreams can be incredibly vulnerable, naked, and exposed feeling. But the love of cooking is stronger than the fear of being seen. Continue reading

Creating Space

if it didn't happen, it wasn't meant to be. let it go and create space for what is.My friend broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago. Recent revelations have sent her reeling with hurt. My response today was that she is-BETTER- off. Everything in life happens for a reason. And once it does, there are no take backs. I may be a future tripper, but staring at my ass and regretting anything doesn’t happen often. Learn and grow. Every experience, interaction, relationship, ‘failure’, dark period is an opportunity. The eternal optimist in me yearns to see the positive in life. In situations. In actions. In thoughts. Keep expanding. We always have the chance to get (become) better with each lesson. When a relationship ends there is the void. We are used to talking to them, seeing them, touching them, texting them. When the relationship, friendship, whatever ends, there is a hole. A hole, a wound, that has to heal. Healing takes times and leaves scars. But to me scars are such a beautiful thing (and I mean physical as well). They are essential to our story. Something we have learned. But today when I text her, I also realized that relationships take up space in our lives. With her ex gone, she now has open space. Open space to fill with people who really love and adore her unconditionally. We decide who, what fill up our space.

And so today as I had a perfect day with my family, I realized that I too needed to focus on this space. How to fill it? Who do I want there? I may love everyone, but I want my spaces loaded with people who fill me up. I want to be surrounded by positive people. People who inspire me. People who live in the moment. People who are passionate. People who are creative. People who believe. Who believe in themselves. Who believe in possibilities. People with soul. I want to fill space with people who love nature. Who seek adventure. Who live awe. Continue reading

Being Courageously You

Great quote

I think one of the most courageous acts we can make is to be ourselves, unapologetically and completely. To own our stories. To own our flops. To own our strengths. To be true to ourselves 100%. To live our dreams. To create our own vision. To express our actual feelings. To be vulnerable. To be weird. To be bold. To be different. To share. To share our heart. To share our souls. To sing out loud. To dance, even when others are watching. To paint our masterpiece. To write a badass book. To believe in ourselves. To believe in our potential. To say, “yes you can.”

One of my biggest challenges, but one of my biggest strengths, I believe is being myself. In a world, where others (media, society, family, friends) are trying to mold us into someone else, marching to your own beat is not really a standard. Again I say, “where is this rule book everyone is following to live a perfect, ideal, successful life.” Because I may believe in One and one love, but I think it is one love in billions of different, unique varieties. I’ve been told I was smart my whole life. You should be a doctor I’ve been told. You shouldn’t live in a shed. You shouldn’t ride your bike. Why don’t you get a ‘real’ job? When I say I want to go on certain travel adventures or hiking or color my hair purple or go hunting, one of my own dear friends like to tell me ‘no.’ I still say yes. Thanks for looking out for me, but I do not want to live a safe life. I want to live my life. Sing my song. Life is too precious to be anything other than yourself. To take bold action and risks. I’ve got this tattoo on my ribs that says:

Don’t fear death. Fear life unlived. Continue reading

The Gift of Time

Summer seems like such a celebration time. A plethora of birthdays with mother and father and memorial appreciations. What I’ve come to realize is that I am no longer doing physical presents. It’s not because I am a tight-ass, but I want to give presence. I want to give time. I want to create memories. I want to stop the bullshit that flitters through my mind sometimes, relax, and be with that person. I want to engage. I want to listen to them. I want to play.

My nephew Trenton just turned 5. I took him to Turkey Run State Park in celebration of his big day. No t-shirt he’ll outgrow or some toy destined to gather dust in their attic, will replace the memories and photos I have of Trenton chugging away in the park with his Super T cape on. Jumping in every puddle, looking up at me with a smile and light in his eyes as he thanks me for them (like I put them there), for letting him splash through them, rather than telling him ‘no’. Walking behind him as he grabs Dane’s hands as they navigate through the valleys dwarfed by the surrounding rocks. The feeling as his little hand reaches up to grab mine. Him telling stories after we encounter a snake. The tears in his eyes from the tiny rocks in his shoes, as I sweep him up onto my back, the hero for the day, caring my little Super Explorer home. I will have that experience in my heart forever. As he grows. As he starts having sleep overs. As he starts hanging out with friends. As he starts driving. I will always have that little five-year-old Trenton hiking in the woods on his fifth birthday. And he had me. For hours. For miles. He had me. What a sweet Continue reading