“Live to the point of tears.” Albert Camus
This morning as I sat on our closed in porch watching the snow fall, coffee in hand warming my body, journal in the other diving into what I am thankful for lighting up my soul, I go back to Jason Silva, back to this Camus quote.
I get this quote.. I’ve been there. I want to be there more. When we lived in Colorado. I hiked the same path every Sunday, but one day I looked up. I looked up and saw the changing Aspen trees of the Fall. The fresh, first snow of the season blanketing the top of the mountain. I was overwhelmed. Lost for words. As Jason points out, I was moved, transported, shaken, touched by something greater than myself. I cried. Reduced to nothing but tears. And I stood there. I stood there, tears streaming untouched down my face and I took it in. I felt that awe. It washed over me. I tried to capture it, but it eluded in me. I could not capture on my phone that feeling. I couldn’t grasp the beauty completely. But that life to tears bit, that is a feeling I want more of.
These are the kinds of things that run through my mind as the new year begins to unfold. I think of Danielle LaPorte’s prompts to explore how I want to feel. I want to feel ALIVE. What makes me feel alive? This! This point of tears. Moments of presence. Moments of awe. Moments of surrender. True moments of love. Moments when I let my walls down. When I’m open. When I let people in. When I’m vulnerable. Moments when I’m in Nature. When I look up, twirl around and thank the trees for filtering out the bullshit. Where I am silenced by its beauty. When I am engaging. When I am connected. Moments when I am creating. When I’m in the kitchen whipping up a new recipe. When I’m baking something delicious to take to market.
When I think of the new year, I think of wanting to be there. To show up in life. To embrace the beautiful gift of life I’ve been given. To look at others as gifts that they are. To have more moments when I am moved to tears.