I can’t love someone if I can’t forgive them and move (myself included).
This is pretty much what I’ve determined lately. I’ve changed so many things the last few months (actually the last few years of my life have pretty much been a remodel). And I have been a roller coaster. I admit. I love change. I embrace. I yearn for it, I seek it out. But if I’m being honest, I don’t always handle it gracefully. Sometimes I’m resistance. Some changes take me longer to adjust to. Also in my self-evaluation I have not been up to par on my relationships or communication. Instead of using my big girl words and sharing my thoughts and feelings, instead of being open, I’ve kept things to myself or I’ve complained to someone else. This is so not how I want to be. And so I have, am changing it. The first step is awareness. So I call myself out: get spiritual Brittany. Get peaceful. Be open. And for goodness sake communicate.
My parents recently celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary (I know right? In today’s culture this is a big deal). Part of what I wrote on my post for what they’ve taught me is communication. It is so vital for a long thriving relationship.
And so the details of my friendship complications aren’t relevant, but what they’ve taught me are monumental. What I found myself doing was focusing on how I felt I was being treated. Tunnel vision on the ‘injustices’ being done to me. I cried so much because my feelings were being hurt. And then when I had my communication reawakening recently, I called bull shit on myself for this behavior. Stop. Stop focusing on how I feel someone’s done me wrong.
SHIFT. Focus instead on how I am treating others. Because that is really my responsibility: my reaction and actions. If I want to be loved, give love. But more importantly, love because you want to. And so when things blew up recently among my friends, and I found myself in the middle, I discovered I really wanted to let go. The anticipation I had before meeting to talk to Tab, I let fly out the window on my drive over. Instead of anticipating the outcome of the talk, I just became open to whatever would come. And so I went in open heart, open mind. And what a wonderful talk it was. It wasn’t an easy conversation, but it was magically raw, real, and heart-felt. As I sat across from her, heart wide open, soul exposed, it became so crystal clear to me. Forgive. Forgive her. Forgive myself. The more time I spend hung up on injustices, the more time I waste. If I’m angry, if I’m throwing a pity party, if I’m holding on, I can’t be loving. Let go and be loving instead.
Also I feel if I hold on to something, then I am enabling change. I always hold on to Thoreau’s:
It is never to late to give up our prejudices.
At any moment we can change our point of view. If I’m punishing someone else (or myself) for the past, then I am not allowing them to change or be better. And back to treating others how you want to be treated, I would want to be given a chance. I believe in chances. Opportunities to change. Moments to be better. To push harder. To let go.
Really what I feel I’m trying to say today is: let go. Be open. Be love. Communicate honestly. Treat others how you want to be treated. Forgive.