“Don’t serve the world a water downed version of yourself.” ~Me, Brittany Paulin, in one radical thought flow.
I sometimes feel guilty that I’m experiencing joy or being happy for happiness sake and no other reason than choice. I get/have gotten backlash in the past for being positive. The has sometimes led me to feel guilty when my ego has its way. Hiking the other day, I stopped: DO NOT HOLD BACK. Boom, it slammed into me, complete truth.
I’ll watch myself worrying. I’m too much. I’m too much energy. Too positive. Too laid back. Too creative. Too chill. I’ve got too many ideas. My style is too much. I laugh too much. I smile too much. Even the opposite end, I’m too quiet.
I notice it with my friends. I’m afraid I’ll overwhelm them. They’ve told me my energy is too much (just a couple of weeks ago shopping one of them brought it up). They’ve lectured me about riling up the dog. When I claim to be just chilling, I’m told, merely talking can create enthusiasm and excitement in my being. I confess it, often times I find myself bursting with energy and I actually end up taming it down or keeping it to myself, saving it for a later hike.
And then I call bull shit on myself. And then I realize I only know how to be myself. I only know how dress according to my own esthetic. Write the words of my heart. Smiling and laughing are natural for me, they’re my favorite. Frankly I think life is fun and the experience of living is made more magical by infusing it with more laughter and joy. There is not enough time to try. To try and be acceptable to others or worry that I am overwhelming them. How others respond to me or what they think of me is none of my damn business. Stay to true to myself. To my personality. To my energy. Truly: why give others a watered down version of yourself. Give yourself, all of you 100% of the time. Like the Four Agreements say: DO YOUR BEST.
Do not hold back. Go forth. Be yourself and you’ll find others who love you as you are. In the meantime, if you worry or focus on anything, focus on how you treat others. Love them. Love yourself. Love this life. Live out loud. Be energetic. Be joyful. Be happy. Because there is no time to waste fitting in, watering down, dumbing down, or acting any other way, than the ways of your soul.