Just What is it You Want?

002I have been reading Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map lately. I love the layout. I love the content. I’ve taken cues to fill in the questions. To scribble in the side margins. To make the desires, the wants my own. It has forced me to do some soul-searching. Its made me get real with myself. Real honest. Self-reflection I believe is empowering, but also unbelievably scary. It makes me feel vulnerable. It makes me see where I need to make changes, and although most often I embrace change, sometimes BIG changes scare the shit out of me. Like I mentioned that comfort zone is a temptress sometimes. But then I say: this is your one life. What do you want to create? What do you want to give? How do you want to feel?

And so today as I sat at a soulful, feel-good coffee-house with my Desire Map in hand: I asked myself to fill in the blank: what the fuck do you want? In a time when I am making changes, as life evolves, as I grow the wants change. Keep up with them. With your core desires. Refine them. Redefine them. Extend. Add. Subtract. Nourish. Fuel. Water. Plant. Replant. Start-over. Begin. Focus on. Reflect. Reconnect. Listen. Go. Act. Let. Let them happy. What can you do for your desires today? How do you feel today? What are you doing in this moment? Does it align with your values? With your dreams? With your soul?

So I filled in the lines. I wrote in the margin. I searched every corner of my soul. And I allowed myself to be truthful.

Just what the fuck do you want?

I want to smile. Sweet smiles. Smiles that come from my soul. Smiles that beam through my eyes. Smiles that get return smiles. Smiles that are open. Smiles that feel special. A smile for the whole room. Smiles that are natural and infectious.

I want connection. Oh boy do I ever want connections lately. To my friends. To my family. To strangers. I find myself reaching out. Talking more. Initiating more. Seeking out new connections. More friend requests. More follows. More likes. More engagement. More conversations.

To feel. In the past I’ve found my unhealthy way of ‘dealing’ with my feelings was to eat. Now I realize that it is essential to feel my feelings. Good and bad. Let them wash over me. But also create healthy habits for feelings. Go to the woods. Feel them there. Explore them. Grow them. Dispel them. Get real with them. Also one of my greatest fears is merely existing. And so feeling, experiencing has become part of my practice. What makes me feel alive? Do those things. Write more. Meditate more. Hike more. Adventure more. Breathe consciously more often. Spend time with my family. Let go. Be present. Boom, that’s a big one, surrendering to the current moment, allows me to truly feel alive in my own skin, secure in my own soul, connected to my intuition.

I want to dance. I want to sing. I love to just let my feelings take over. Dance I feel is a great expression of this. To just let go on the dance floor. To let your limbs take over. To swing your hair around. Talk about presence and letting go. Loose yourself in dance. Loose it in a song. Dance party in the kitchen? Night out on the town, burning it down? Karaoke night anyone?

I want to feel vibrant, healthy, and pure vitality. I want to lift heavy kettlebells. I want awareness of my body in space and time. Lost in a beautiful windmill. Focused on the muscles. On the breathtaking strength and power my body has. I want surrender. Surrender on a yoga mat. Focused on my breathing. On my flexibility. On my possibilities. I want to get lost and found in the woods. I want adventure. I want to connect to myself. To my thoughts, feelings, purpose. I want to go and go. I want to climb. I want to let loose and run down a hill. Full-steam ahead. I want fuel. Good-soulful food and fuel. Natural foods. Foods I’ve found. Food from my favorite farmers. Lovingly prepared with my own two hands. Food that feels good. Food that tastes good.

I want to love. I want to love myself. I want to know what self-acceptance feels like. I want to be open to others. I want to believe in others. I want to give complete strangers a chance. I want to give others the gift of letting them be themselves. Authenticity. I want to allow myself to be. To stay true myself, weirdness included. I want to see value in myself. Value in all. I want to be a positive seeker. Positive beauty. Positive vibes. Positive personality. Rather than catching someone doing something wrong, I want to catch them doing something right. I want One. One love.

I want to have fun. I want to be playful. I want more picnics in the park. Or breakfast sessions in bed. More sit-downs with my typewriter. More time with my cookbook. More time creating. More time with my family. Canoe trips. Trivia nights. Karaoke. Walks. Bike rides. Dinners in. Blogs. Markets. Personal style. Compliments. Frisbee golf. Movie nights with my friends. Laughter. Dancing in the kitchen. Photos. Yoga. Climbing mountains. Camping. Cups of heartwarming coffee. Moments of awe.

I want space to breathe. Time for yoga. Stillness. Time to meditate. Time to unwind. To clear my thoughts. Time to truly letting it all fucking go. I want peace. Serenity. Calmness.

I want simplicity. Sustainability. I want to experience MORE LIFE, with less stuff. A simple life with BIG INTENTIONS and LOTS and LOTS OF LOVE. I want  a little vibrant business. A little cabin in the woods. A little family. A little bakeshop. I want to write. I want to hike. I want to bake. And I want to love every moment of it.

I want to feel inspired. I want to feel motivated. I want to feel potential. I want to feel possible.

I want to take risks and be adventurous. I want to go for it. I want to fall. I want to dive in. I want to not know. I want uncertainty. I want to fly. I want to soar. I want to dream, sweet dreams.

When you’re questioning yourself. When you’re doubting yourself, go back to what you want. Are you doing these? Are you feeling aligned with your desires? Well get your ass in gear and do them!!!

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2 thoughts on “Just What is it You Want?

  1. Two years ago I took a leap of faith with a new found soul mate and we purchased a fixer upper in the woods. We put in new floors and plumbing, added a manual pump to our well, gravity fed water storage tanks, etc. It has been a real adventure and I am so glad I did not let my “better judgement” make the final decision. We are on our way to being non dependent of anything outside of our own home.

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