You don’t know what you’re doing, and that’s okay

Loving yourself whether you are in a relationship or not is what makes you happy. No other human has the power to do that to you like you can.   ☯I told you everything was lining up for you; that the right people were headed your way; that the right things would be said; that you’d become a total love magnet; and that very little of this would be apparent as it was unfolding, yet in hindsight you’d see the stunning perfection.

It’s just that right now, you’re mostly in the unfolding part.

All is according to plan.

Oh thank you Universe for this truth bomb delivered to my inbox this morning. Occasionally I have these moments. Vulnerable moments, where I momentarily just need space to breath. A moment to cry. A moment to feel. Yesterday I had one such moment. I was socked in the gut with the realization that, “Brittany you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.” It’s kind of a running joke with my dad that we say we know nothing. Or that we’re all winging. But when you are hit with it that you truly know nothing. That you are not in control. Well sometimes you (okay I) experience a less than graceful response.

Lately I have felt a little stuck. I have made loads of changes the last year. Looking back I can see that. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel restless. When I look at my inspiration, get your ass-in-gear boards at the bottom of the stairs, I prompt myself, “what are you doing for your dreams? What are you doing for your soul? How are you progressing towards your dream?” On one such day on a whim I got off work and filled out an application for another bakeshop in town. There weren’t any open positions and I didn’t really bank on them calling me. Like I said it was a whim. Then they called me for an interview. Enter the problem. My gut was off. I was having my strong intuition kick in. I thought about not taking it. It would be easy to stay and be complacent where I am.

Comfort. That bitch comfort zone got to me. I’ve gotten comfortable at the Pie Company. Comfortable with my routine. Comfortable with the people. I oddly even enjoy the chaos and my lovable (slightly crazy, but who isn’t) co-workers. I like going to work. But there is no movement. No mobility. And if I’m being honest I let it distract me from building and creating my own business because I’m there all the time making pies for them. The Pie Company has become a safety net for me. And I was afraid of leaving my comfort zone.

Now let’s go to the new opportunity. It’s a local company. I would be baking, doing food prep and rocking the coffee counter. Not to mention the big lure of the beautiful kitchen area, where they hold cooking classes. Now let’s evaluate my dreams. I want to teach cooking. I want a little cabin cafe in the woods. You know rustic with soul-warming coffee and tea. With plaids and mountain decor. With good 70’s music playing on the turntable. With delicious smelling baked goods hot out of the oven. With eggs and bacon frying in the back. With an outdoor kitchen out back, primed and ready for cooking lessons. With a big rustic table, ready for dinner parties. With social fun in the air. With hanging floral chandeliers overhead and banquet antique style seating. With laughter lingering in the air. This new position has the potential to bring me closer to some of these dreams (because please believe I planted a seed that I’d be interested in doing cooking classes, when I spoke with the president of the company). There’s the coffee, a new addition to what I’ve been doing. There’s food prep. There’s that tantalizing kitchen down the hall.

So why I am so scared? I love change. Why was I having a moment yesterday? Because no matter how much I yearn for change, my ego still has doubts. It likes the comfort. Because I am once again starting something new. I have to learn more skills. Meet new people (after I love the people I work with now). But really it is fear of the unknown. Of learning. Of meeting new people. Of how much I’ll make. How much will I work. Will I ever get into the kitchen? My ego was churning with fear of uncertainty and the unknown yesterday and it slapped me in the face with the: you don’t know what you’re doing thing.

And then I go for a hike. I have some time with my family and I fill up on some gratitude. Gratitude is a filling, humbling meal. Going on a bike ride later with my cousin Angelica reaffirmed this. Angelica, “When I’m having a tough time, I just give thanks for all I do have.” This is why she is so in sync with me. I usually go for this first, but yesterday it was not coming so easily. But some fresh air, freedom and room to breathe solved it. It’s just like this quote I got above this morning. I am not in control, no matter how much my ego yearns to be. Let go. I am being taken care of. Take action. Make bold steps. Believe in them. Believe in yourself. Your dreams are unfolding. Don’t fight them. Don’t be afraid. Let go and let them be. You are okay. Enjoy this moment. Enjoy these last two weeks. And then strap on your big girl panties and kick ass in this new position. You know you can. You are a baking all star. Let yourself be magnificent. Let yourself be radiant. This life (that you’re in right NOW) is so miraculous. Enjoy every moment. Even the ones when you question. This journey is worth it. Keep your head up and flow.

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