F*** Fear: Choosing to Have Fun Instead

Becoming fearless isn't the point.  That's impossible.  It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it.In reality, I have a long list of fears waiting to limit me at any given moment. Most of them can be related to the fear of failure, the fear of success, and the fear of change– but there are countless variations. Name a fear, and I’ve probably had it at some point. The difference between being fearless and standing up to your fears lies in refusing to allow your fears to make your decisions. ~Chris Guillebeau

#2 in Gabby Bernstein’s Miracles Now says to “Clean Up Your Side of the Street”. Be aware. Be aware how often we choose fear over happiness. Gabby then prompts you (me) to write a list of your atop ten biggest fears. GET HONEST. How do these fears play a role in your life? Do the rule of the roost? Do they keep you in a stable comfort zone? LOOK. Look at each fear. Next Gabby says to write down a reason you believe this fear is true. Gaining awareness we should start to see that our fears are:

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

Wow, pretty cool right? Why not look at our fears with a loving perspective? I actually have written this before. Last year when I picked up bike riding as a means of commuting I realized that even though I’ve had a bit of a phobia when it comes to riding a bike since I was 7, I don’t have to continue to let it keep me off of two wheels. I can HAVE FUN WITH MY FEARS. And so I have. I literally laughed to myself last week as I climbed onto my bike in the pre-sunshine hours to get to work. Here I was, on a bike, in the dark, path lit by a tiny headlight, riding around town. Did I mention I used to be terrified of the dark? So here I was not only riding my bike, but riding it in the dark. Fear? Fear doesn’t have to control me. I can feel the fear and then decide to go for it anyone.  I can enjoy my bike ride in the dark.

I’ve also decided to get pretty vulnerable right now and share my Miracles #2 response with five of my own. What are MY biggest fears at the moment? Hmm….

  1. I am afraid of existing. I am afraid of living in a numb state. Routinely going through my day. Doing what I’m supposed to. Saying what I’m supposed to. Fitting in. Blending in. Being invisible. Wasting my extraordinariness. I am afraid of not living. I am afraid of not living up to my own potential. But then I go for a hike. I hike everyday because I feel alive. I feel passionate, perfect, connected, complete. I strive to do more of the things (and just feel) that make me feel alive.
  2. I am afraid of my dreams. I ask for them everyday, but every time I get something I want I feel a twinge of awe and terror at the same time. I really can attract the things I want. I really can be happy. I really can have abundance. Then the doubt can kick in. This won’t last. Do I deserve this? Something bad is about to happen, says my fear. People will see. People will know what I want. But when I really think of my dreams they fill me with such a high. When I leave the market I feel light, like I can fly or float. I feel the power and potential of my dreams and I choose my dreams over the fear. I want to keep that feeling.
  3. This leads into this fear: I am afraid of being vulnerable. I believe it is a complete necessity, but it can scare the shit out of me sometimes. Anytime I write a post or share a status or have a raw honest conversation or sale my food or wear something I love, I’m afraid of how I’m being perceived. If I’m being 100% true to myself and someone doesn’t like me, then what? Compared to when I was trying to be what I though people wanted me to be, the disappointment would be less. But then I’ve learned to call bullshit on myself. Let your light shine. Be yourself. Be authentic. That is beautiful. That is refreshing. Love everyone else. Focus on being a loving being. Plus when you give love and allow other to be themselves, you get that back. Focus on how you can treat others (and yourself, start with a little self-love and approval). “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”  ~Brene Brown
  4. I am afraid I won’t be loved. I think I’ve worked so hard on my relationships that I feel secure in this love, I think this fear here is more along the lines of: I’m afraid I’ll never have romantic love. I feel like the lack of suitor or opportunities (or my lack of patience or really I am creating this allusion and limiting myself) allows me to get frustrated sometimes. I’m afraid I won’t find that soul mate. That life partner. My travel buddy. My co-creator. The father. I think I use this fear then to not let men in. It shuts me up and keeps me from letting down walls and being myself. It keeps me closed, rather than opening up.
  5. I am afraid that I’m not doing enough. That no matter what I do, I am not significant enough. Is my purpose silly? How am I helping others? Is my writing making a difference? Are people reading it? Is BeYOUtiful being seen? Are people thinking about it? Can it grow? Can it be a game changer? Do people really like my foods? Is Delish going to reach people? Am I being loving enough? Kind enough? Can I do more for people? Whoa, whoa Brittany slow down! Stop doubting. Go back to your purpose: to be a loving being. Focus. Center. Make every action come from a loving disposition and you are doing enough. Let your love light the world. Because that makes a difference. That is powerful.

What about you? What are you afraid of? How are these fears controlling you? How can we change our relationship with our fears? I for one am going to having loving fun with them!

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