I know you may be wondering what the hell is up with the Tonya Harding, Nancy Kerrigan pic. There is a correlation to today’s post I promise. It all started because I am an Olympic junkie (what can I say I like to watch people doing their best, giving their all). As the games wound down I was thirsty for more (plus there was nothing else on), so I ended up watching the 20 years later special with the two figure skaters. By the end of the interview I had a great take-away: Let it go. Stop rehashing the past. Forgive and move on.
At work I’ve noticed this. Somehow I have been declared, “Too laid back.” How this is possible or bad I don’t know. I think part of the relaxness people feels comes from my ability or practice of letting go. Having been in a serious car crash when I was younger, plus having a grandpa who drank and found his hidden keys, plus all experiences in life, and being myself in general I learned starting at a young age that you never know. You don’t know when this physical life will end. For you or those surrounding you. How do I want to spend this precious time I’ve been given? I’ll tell you want, I don’t want to be mad or angry. I don’t want the last memory with someone I love to be a fight. Don’t get me wrong I do feel anger and I do get mad. But when I do I stop and ask myself: is this worth getting upset about? Is this really going to be such a big deal in 5 years? In a month? In a week? Will I even remember what this fight is about? Often I find the answer is a solid NO. Stop wasting time being mad. Let it go. I remember reading in Michael Singer’s Untethered Soul. He talked about letting go. The sooner and quicker you let it go, the easier. When you hold on to prejudices and hate and anger and bitterness and lies, the harder it is to get rid of. Worse yet it eats you upside. I have a friend who cheated on her boyfriend. I ask, “how do you not tell.” I grew up where honesty ruled. My family is direct. They’re blunt. They speak their minds. They share their feelings. They share their thoughts. I learned telling the truth is easier than telling a lie, which creates a shame loop that you cannot escape from. One lie leads to more lies. You can be honest in a loving manner.
Also I think about control. A co-worker and I had this conversation the other day. How much do we feel a need to control our lives. Living in the moment, dealing with uncertainty, stepping outside of comfort zones, and change can be very scary. We stubbornly cling to have some kind of control, rather than letting Divine guidance and the universe take over. Have a little trust, a bit of faith that you will be taken care of. It is not about being right all the time. It’s not about having things done your way. There is no How You Must Live Your Life guide book. You are you, you have to figure that out. Yes there will be challenges. Yes there will be struggles, but we all deal with them. This is a part of life. Part of being human. What shows courage and bravery and strength is how we deal with them and the attitude we bring. Yes in the bakery there are three of us and we can all three prepare our pies in a different way. So long as the pies and work get down, how does our method matter? That is the prompt I gave to my co-worker. “No your wrong, this is the only way.” Step back. Is it worth the energy of getting upset? We cannot control other people. We all make our own choices based on our thoughts, beliefs, and experiences. Let it go. Breathe in. Breathe out. Allow peace in.
So back to the the Tonya/Kerry thing. What I loved at the end of the interview was what they said about letting go. Yes I made mistakes. Let me move on. We do this sometimes. We continue to judge someone for an action, for their past. How can they change, grow, or move on if we don’t allow them. If someone goes to jail, serves their time, grows and learns, must we really continue to judge and hold it against them. Why can they not start no? Why can we not forgive? Why in many instances can we not just forgive ourselves and escape the shame loop? These ice skaters have lives, they have families. But we still get caught up in drama from 20 years ago. Nancy said she doesn’t think about. In the scheme of things it was such a short time in her life. It is not relevant. Get over it, is basically what I got. And I agree. Forgive and move on. Yes the past is a great tool to learn from. But don’t live there. Stop hating or blaming yourself for yesterday’s mistakes. Learn from them. Grow. Evolve. And live right now. Focus on how sweet today is. How good it feels to breathe. To move. To love. Don’t waste today’s potential, thinking of yesterday’s woes. Be a better person today. Let the past go and let it go early.