“One of the most loving things you can do for another person is let them make their own mistakes, learn their own lessons and endure in the contrast of a life they don’t really want. People only really change when they’ve hit rock bottom – sometimes the most loving thing you can do for a person is to let them and be there to help pick up the pieces. Permanent change comes from within, no one can give it to you.” – Jackson Kiddard
Holy s*** this quote rocks. I literally just read this quote and stopped instantly. It so speaks to me. To me this rings out TRUTH.
You can love and support others, but THEY make their own choices. You may not agree with them. You may not like them, but you can’t change them. You can’t change the person. THEY do. You are there for support. You keep loving. You stay patient. You stay.
My friends frequently call me out for playing Switzerland. In that I don’t pick sides or I stand up for everyone. I try to put myself in their shoes. Or I just accept them. When Tab says, “Brittany tell me what to do.” I don’t go there. I don’t tell others what choices to make or how to live their life. This is their story to tell. I’ll be a part of it but the script is not mine. Trying to write my own is handful enough.
I think this resonates with me so much too because growing up my grandfather would drink. Major binges. I’ve seen it in action, people trying to help someone to change. I’ve seen how the person has to want to change themselves. It won’t be permanent otherwise. They’re doing it for others, not because they want to change. I even see this in myself with weight loss. I’ve done so many Body Changes (my parents owned a fitness studio called Body Change specializing in weight loss and transformations, hence my word usage here) . I was told to lose weight. You should weigh _____ (insert a low number) and you should be this percentage ___ (insert another low number). I changed my body because that’s what I was told. Because I told myself I would be more lovable that way. And then I gained weight back. I have to want to change. I want to be healthy. I have to make the exclamation: Hey Brittany, I love you. Let’s eat nourishing foods. Let’s be fit. How about a hike? Change comes from a personal journey that you decide to take.
Think of inspirational leaders, they have a background, a history, a rock bottom. Sometimes you have to visit rock bottom to love it at the top. Dad and I were talking paradoxes (me reading the Tao again has me contemplating them too). My gratitude comes from going without. Experiencing something ‘bad’ let’s you appreciate the good more. Live for the paradox, they’re everywhere.
All the struggles I’ve had, have made me stronger. They’ve made me a better person today. They’ve enriched it. Life isn’t always easy but we have a choice how we view it. Any moment we can decide we don’t like the landscape. We can change it. It is okay to struggle sometimes though. I have called my family out on this sometimes. I’ve said to back off. I need to fall on my face. I need to make mistakes. I need to be challenged. That’s how I thrive. That’s how I grow. That’s how I change. Let me. We so want to protect and help. Sometimes we need to take a step back. Let them be. Love them, be there always.