Perfect. How do you define a word without concrete meaning? To each his own, the saying goes, so why push to attain an ideal state of being that no two random people will agree is where you want to be? Faultless. Finished. Incomparable. People can never be these, and anyway, when did creating a flawless facade become a more vital goal than learning to love the person who lives inside your skin? The outside belongs to others. Only you should decide for you- what is perfect.
I just finished this book titled Perfect, by Ellen Hopkins. I have to say I liked the book. This is the first page of the book and I felt it is so right on. The last few years I’ve discovered this has been me. The striving perfectionist. My thoughts centered on how I was appearing to the world. I wanted to have it all together. I wanted to be able to do it all. I wanted to please others. I wanted to present a perfect image. I wanted to please my family. Notably my dad. Yes I was that girl, who was always seeking my dad’s approval, waiting for praise. I pushed myself at school. I pushed myself at sports. I pushed myself to have the perfect body. Growing up with a family who earned a living with weight loss, I went up and down, up and down, as I battled with my body to be perfect. I’d let myself feel deprived, or switch and let it feel gorged. I was always changing to please someone else. I missed this goal above: to love me. How can I take care of me? Who says I am not enough? Where does that thought come from?
I have learned I have to shift my perspective. I had to start first with loving myself. I had to dig deep. Listen to my own intuition. Listen to my heart. Most importantly I have to do my best. Each day is an opportunity for me to be or do better. Now my main thought is: how can I be a better person. Also I’ve realized that perfect is not just about appearing strong and put together. It’s not about what I’m trying to project. It’s about how I actually am. It’s about the quality of my thoughts. The heights of my dreams. The service I provide. I have learned so much about vulnerability, especially from Brene Brown. Vulnerability is strong. To be authentic, is strong. Allowing myself to vulnerable, to feel and express my thoughts and feelings, is perfect. It makes me a real person. A breathing, feeling, being. I was born at the right time. I’ve grown, learned and experienced to bring me right here, this very moment. This moment is perfect. I am perfect. I am enough. That’s it. I have defined it and created my reality.
So I’ve quit the habit of using others definition of perfect. I focus on opening up, as my true self. I am defining perfect for myself, rather than using it as an excuse to please others. I am going to love me today, as I am. There is only one me. Why waste it trying to fit into a box or trying to fit others definitions. Be undefinable.
Life is brimming with possibilities. Every single day brings choices. Make a bad one, you deal with the consequences. Make a good one, you get reward of one kind or another. Bad choices or good, if you never take chances, someone else will build your life for you. What if you decide you don’t like their vision? What if they put you up on a pedestal and you hate the view? I’ve never been much of a thrill seeker, mostly because I’m afraid of falling. I’m eyeing the mountain. But I’ll never climb it with someone else calling the shots. Possibilities. Choices. Decisions.
Be bold make the decisions yourself. Let go of the fear to be yourself.