One of the things I work most on in my journey to be a better person, is judgement. Right from the beginning I knew I needed to dig deep and really evaluate how I treat other people and what I think. I constantly assess how I do on this. What I have learned is I need to look for the good in others. Treat them as humans. How do I want to be treated? Believe in them. That’s what people need.
Conversations about politics and such lately have got me revved about this subject. Where the adjectives of the scum and worthless (their words not mine) have been thrown out. Put yourself in their position. I have this video in my mind of dad and I first getting to Colorado Springs, meeting a man who just got out of jail, “Nobody can say shit about my life. They don’t know what my life has been.” He’s right. Anymore when I think something judgmental or make an assumption I tell myself: you don’t know, nor will you ever know what is truly in their hearts and thoughts. You do not know how they spend their day. You do not know what they have experienced in their lives. Love them. Imagine growing up and being told your whole life that you are worthless and stupid. You’ll never amount to anything. Granted we can change, but if you’ve had this beaten into from a young age, how do you know you can have and be more? What people need is for someone to believe in them. Believe in their potential and believe in their good, rather than judge them. When you box someone in with labels, you don’t allow them to be themselves, but also you don’t allow them to grow and change.
Who am I to say they are doing something wrong or to tell them how they should live their life? I’ve had plenty of people lately trying to tell me how to live. What do I really want? I want them to ask me how I want to feel. What do I want to do? What are my dreams? White picket fences and a safe life have never been my aspirations. I want a challenge, something that pushes me. I want to dream. I want to live passionately. I want to live with purpose, and everyday I work towards that purpose. I really want them to talk to me, not about me to each other. Because I am for the most part a pretty honest, self-aware person. So if I want others to do this for me, I can do the same for them. I’ve got someone I know who is sick. I sit in conversations where others will discuss what she needs to do or just talk about her. What I think: talk to her. But instead of telling her what to do, ask her how she feels. If you don’t do that then don’t engage in the gossip. Any more if someone brings up another person negatively in conversation, I tell them point-blank, I’m not going to talk about this person, I love them as they are, and I am not going to participate in a negative conversation about them. I remove myself from the gossip completely.
Our words are powerful. Do we use them for negative: you’re ugly. Or do we use them for good: you’re beautiful. See, we always have choices. Do we extend ourselves to believe in someone else? To build them up? To see their good? To treat them as we wish to be treated? If I do anything, I wish to talk to them. Ask them questions. Ask them how they feel. Ask them how they want to feel. Ask them what they want. Don’t make the decision for them. You are not in their body and head. And don’t judge them on their decisions. You have your life, live it. They have theirs. Control your own reactions. Let the reactions be out of love and compassion. Take a chance and believe in someone else.
- God Doesn’t Create Worthless People (myheartrestored.wordpress.com)
- To see and to be seen (neverimitate.wordpress.com)