Last post from Daring Greatly (at least for now). I can’t tell you how much this book woke me up. Brown is so raw, honest, and relatable. Her research and stories are from raw people. The vulnerability was great, I especially like her pointing out that we value when others are vulnerable with us, but we pull ourselves away when we should be vulnerable. But of course shame was a big lesson (Brown is a shame researcher).
Guess what we all have shame. You, me, your best friend, your mom, your neighbor, the stranger walking down the street. We are afraid to talk about our shame. But how can we be honest with ourselves or others if we never deal with the big feelings and emotions? How can we let go and live wholeheartedly?
I have shame. Like many woman my biggest shame still comes from body image. I am constantly writing and exploring this, but embodying it starts with awareness. I know its there and I still have to practice keeping my thoughts of: I am perfect health. I still have to keep the perfectionist at bay. I think the shame comes from feeling that others expect me to have a perfect body. When I think about my body minus the thoughts I feel others think, I think its wonderful.I mean what is a perfect body? The answer will vary for each person, there is no such thing. I eat good tasty foods. I can run. I can walk for hours. I can lift heavy weights. I am strong. I’m flexible. Its self-healing. I haven’t been sick in at least 5 years. I can play with and keep up with my nephews. I don’t have to take any medications. It’s a fabulous body, when I stop thinking of others. When I stop doubting myself. When I believe in myself.
We all deal with shame differently. I personally deal by hiding. When Brown wrote this it was easy for me to not only see this behavior in myself but to find the source of shame. I hide from everyone. Friends and family. Then I feel bad for shutting people out. I’m sucked into a shame cycle.
Now I see it. Now I am aware. Now I can change it. I can talk about the shame. I can let it go. But most importantly I can stop hiding. I can come out connect, like I talked about yesterday. Because relationships and connecting is what really matters in life.
- I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) Book Review (bloom-timecoaching.com)
- Defusing Shame by Sharing It (psychcentral.com)
- Ashamed of Shame (1personresponsible.com)
- Writing (and the Aspect of Shame) Blog 7 (flyohman.wordpress.com)
- Let me ask you (julienmatei.com)