While walking with my mom I always seem to come to some self-realization. Anger, I see many books on it and I occasionally let it get the best of me, but with mom I said, “I realize I don’t have time to be angry.’ Boom that’s the key. Even though I’ve always been kind of even keel and my friends refer to me as Switzerland and a source of calm. Spending the last two weeks feeling and brimming with life and exuberance I realized how precious time is. I wanted to get the most out of every second I had with my friends and family. Our physical experience is so temporary and I want to spend it feeling like this. Like I told Tab, “I feel like I’m f***ing exploding with life and energy right now.’ I don’t want to be mad or angry with myself or anyone else. I want to live.
What I’ve noticed when I do get upset is that it has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. All of the negative things I may say or when I get defensive, it is something going on internally within myself. Most often the culprit is that I am not living up to my potential or highest self. I am responsible for how I react. Others can say what they want, but my response is on me. And like I said I want to feel the high of living, rather than dwell in a negative world of anger. Practice the four agreements: don’t take things personally. Strive each day to be better and give 100% and there will be no need for anger. Don’t judge other’s for what they, thank them for challenging and realize that they are responsible for what they say (and just how when I react negatively- it is often a displacement of their own feelings and has nothing to do with them). Practice loving them more.
I’ve always sort have been this way, even before my grandpa died in car accident. I never left the house angry. I vividly have videos in my head of calling or walking back into the house to tell my parents I was sorry or I loved them. That they anger had nothing to do with them, let’s move forward. And so we do. People joke that I’m just brimming with built-up emotion, but I learned a long time ago to let it go. I ask myself: in the grand scheme of life is this worth getting upset about? The last time I got in a disagreement with my father I didn’t think of what upset me but decided to mentally list the reasons I love him and how I’m thankful for him in my life right now. Because what if he wasn’t or something happened. So often people live with guilt and regret because they are blinded by anger instead of forgiveness. Ask yourself:
Will I even remember this in a month? Or will I even feel the same way in the morning? Always the answer is no. Plus the future is never a guarantee. That’s why I live as a 5 minute plan girl rather than a 5 year plan girl, because that 5 years is not owed to me. It can end instantly, so I want to live my life now. Jump on my impulses now! Don’t put it off for later or merely talk about it. Act now. Love now .Live with anger or fear never.
BE, Love, Illuminate,