Talk about signs, today I just check my Pinterest to find this staring me in the face. Not only is it perfectly fitting for my life right now, but it is also Winnie the Pooh whom I am in rapture with (Life is Fun remember?). This post may be similar to last, but it’s what in my head as I try to digest what is going on. Last Monday (and the last week) was a challenge (don’t worry I have another sign that came to me on Monday, coming later too). We have been shown an out pouring of support and people wanting to help us. Offering us services and buildings, they don’t want us to leave. I told my mom it’s different for her than me. She is staying in Terre Haute for another year, but I am leaving in August and it seems like I am preparing to say good-bye. When Dr Tank says he doesn’t want us to leave, dangling buildings and a bakery in my face it makes me almost cave. That would be the easy thing (staying in Terre Haute). Our we doing the right thing? When I take time away, for a hike or something to reconnect with myself and dilute myself of the influence of others, I know I have to leave. It’s like the picture I have coming up: the hardest thing in life is knowing which bridges to burn and which to cross. Terre Haute is a bridge to burn, as I turn west to cross the bridge into Colorado. That is where my path lays and when I listen to the little voice in my head and my instincts, there is no question that this is right. Terre Haute is a safety net. Like I told Nardine, so often we get stuck in a routine of what is comfortable, what is easy. In my high school, that was the norm. For people to graduate, stay in West Terre Haute, get married, have a family and work a 9-5. People don’t leave. My whole life I have been fighting this, never fitting in. Nardine: Have you always went the opposite way of the crowd? Yes, I’ve always stubbornly turned my head away from trends and from what everyone else was doing. If it was popular, I was running the opposite direction (don’t get me wrong, though, my creativity usually put me ahead of trend, but once everyone else caught on I turned the corner). I never wanted to be a part of the herd, but to stand out. To have my own stance and viewpoint. Not to do what I was told or conditioned to believe, but to listen to my soul. I change things constantly and take myself out of my comfort zone, to challenge myself. To make myself a better person, \to venture away from my safety net. To fly free. Flying is something I seem to subconsciously be obsessed with. Not only am I drawn to quotes references them, but my tattoos have an undercurrent of wings/flight: Alis Volat Propiis (she flies by her own wings), an angel, I want a peacock (a winged animal), a dream catcher (with more feathers and flight), and birds with a freedom quote. When I finished Wishes Fulfilled, something that stuck with me, comes from the poet Rumi:
You were born with potential.
You were born with goodness and trust.
You were born with ideals and dreams.
You were born with greatness.
You were born with wings.
You are not meant for crawling, so don’t.
You have wings.
Learn to use them and fly.
This completely resonates with me. I’ve always felt like, yes, I do possess a great potential and now it is the time to prepare for flight. But it’s not quite time for take off, I find myself on at the gate, getting ready to board before boarding the plane. The point were I’m hugging and saying good-bye before I launch off into the unknown and new. It seems so surreal. Gone are my senses of what’s coming and gained is my sense of awe. It’s amazing in having seemed like I’ve lost so much (money, housing, business), that I’ve seemed to gained so much. It’s one of those contradictions that the Tao talks about (Lose stuff-gain life. I think I’ll take the hand-off). How precious my time seems, how important people seem to be. I’ve never cried (happy) or hugged so much in my life. There is only beauty, it has elevated my ability to look at people and find what is ‘right’ even more so. To drop judgement. I cherish every little moment. All this love and support, makes me grateful and it’s like the first picture. How lucky am I to have something to be hesitant about leaving. This is not a sad time, though, sure something new is coming, but this is a test of relationships. No one is dead (actually I’ve never felt so alive, another contradiction), this is the time to appreciate love. To test the ground of staying connected and how much I really love these people. This is my last full summer in Terre Haute, with my friends and family of the first chapters of my life. This is a time for fun. To live in awe, see beauty, spend time/give time to others, and live in the present. I know this is similar to last week, but I’ve got to keep reminding myself. But each day I challenge myself. What can I be thankful for today? How can I experience life today? How can I love more today?
Live and Be NOW!
BE, Love, Illuminate,
I am a picture freak and want to remember it all and seeing as this is my way of remembering, here are my pictures from the last week of gratitude.
- New Chapters (bepaulin.wordpress.com)