Sometimes in life it is best to left go of the safety net and just jump. To free fall is to be alive. Taking in check signs in my life, today on my hike I noticed the excited charges that would run through my body as I jumped and waded through puddles, I subconsciously stored these seeds in my head for further sowing later (little did I know what they were going to grow into). Fast forward to the stream. Standing knee deep in the raging stream: I think first maybe a should hold onto my Ipod , boom it’s in the water. Thought:
Why do I care about stuff? That’s right you don’t, you care about experiences: swim Brittany. Swim across the lake.
Without a second thought about the Ipod I tear off towards the lake, taking notes of my pesky ego trying to talk me out of it along the way. Do you really want to do this? What about your hair? It’ll be dirty? There will be bugs or snakes or other ridiculousness? Even as I reach the edge I turn a shoulder, but something nags me to just put my feet in. That’s it, that’s all I needed. I tear off my sweats and t-shirt and take off towards the other side. My ego will not die silently the, though, as I have thoughts of vulnerability as I cross the path in my spandex shorts and bra. No one’s there silly stop thinking and anticipating. I get to the side look down, put my feet in: it’s cooler than I thought. Bam, I just fling myself forward, completely submerging under the water and letting my arms propel me forward, letting my feet leave the ground. I relax. Stop thinking, breathe, BE. I feel alive. Just like I felt hiking this weekend (I talk off with my backpack, tent, sleeping bag and five fingers, just driving until I found a state park I wanted to stop at to hike, sleep on the ground and be primal), I feel truly ALIVE. I don’t know what it’s like to be high, but this has got to be ten times better. This is what we all search for this feeling, but most of the time it’s just an imitation and we get all of the side affects of the drug. We speed up time or alter our state of mind. I don’t want to change my thoughts, I’m content and want to relish in this moment. I want the REAL thing, I choose LIFE. I’m still working on bottling and BEING this feeling all the times, but these little glimpses make me aware that its out there for me to grab. But I feel absolutely magnetic. Not a care or a worry. Lately I know that change is coming and things and relationships are shifting in my life (just like I felt earlier this year before my dad left ownership to me and mom). Problem is that I’ve been Trying to figure them out, to predict what’s coming. Debating with myself: stay, go, what doI manifest? I’ve let myself get wrapped up in Body Change, consuming my thoughts to the point of confusion. Swimming across I realized what I usually tell myself: live in the moment and just let things happen. I don’t need or want a crystal ball, I don’t need to know what’s coming. What happens, happens and I’ll deal with it then. I don’t always need to see the bottom of the pool or have a direction, I just need to stay above water. If I let myself feel like I am drowning, then that’s where I’ll end up, on the bottom of the pool. If I keep my head up and just focus one stroke at a time or relax and tread for a bit, then I’ll stay above. Sometimes you just need to jump in. Leave your ego on the shore and swim towards your true self and the unknown because fear/memes are left behind with your ego and only possibility remains in sight.
Swim, Live and Leave your Ego on the Shore!
BE, Love, Illuminate,