I have been spending so much time at the shop, I’ve hardly gotten to see my friends. I’ve spent the last year working on relationships and I’ve only seen them twice the last month. But I can feel a shift, a shift in myself and my outlook on friends, as I sit on the sofa of our hotel room, surrounded by the liter of stuff thrown about in our anticipation to get ready. And as I look over at the bed where Chelsey and Shadow are sleeping and I can hear their steady intake of life-giving air, I stop to pause and feel how just their presence is precious and gratitude takes over. How fortunate am I to be here with them in this time and space? I realized how they too have molded and helped me on my journey towards inspiration and intention (probably without their own knowledge). It’s so easy , often, to be yourself when you don’t know someone (at least for me), but in long-standing relationships, I find an array of memes laid out like an obstacle course in front of me (or since I just finished the Hunger Games, like pods for me to get past). Most of the time these are self-imposed obstacles and have nothing to do with the other person, but are a reflection of my monstrous ego that occasionally makes appearances and plays on my fears and ‘insecurities’. Despite the struggle (like last months word vomit post), there are moments so stunningly clear and I feel surrounded by the growth of these connections. Like I said they might now know or see it, but I do. Not just them, either, but with all my relationships (like last weeks post on my parents). As I discover who I am and my intention, I see that I have to let them be themselves and not be an imposing force. To bite my tongue when my ego wants to make suggestions or my head wants to pass judgements about how they should live their lives. They poke fun at my instructions to live with life and follow their own heart and intuition. We all have our own path and voice to follow and guide us. So even though we are connected, we are different, with our own free-thinking selves and being. We’re not trying to be anyone else or to please one another. We say how we feel, without holding back and have grown into this level of honesty (I’ve always hated lying and have tended to be blunt even before) that I have never known. I have no secrets with them and have no qualms or anxiety about telling them ANYTHING. It’s such a relief to be your true-self, to throw off the net of your entrapping ego and come forth to your own inspiration. I know that not everyone has this kind of friendship, let alone with three spectacular individuals . After a year I realize the best thing I can do them and myself is to just let them BE. If they want to vent, I’m there, on of the best things in life is to speak and have someone listen. Thoreau:
The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.
If they want to cry, to laugh, to celebrate or whatever the emotion, all I need is to do is be present and attentive to them. As my love for all has grown, so has my love for them, as well, although each is different and pulls on my heart-strings differently and has its own unique cord (Tab’s thick like rope and unbreakable, Chelsey’s shines and effervescent, Shadow’s sturdy, reliable and loosening slack). As I look and observe, things that drove me nuts before are the things I love most now, because it makes them who they are. Even saying I love you has changed. A term that my ego usually turned its back on and walked the other way, afraid to make eye-contact. When Tab would say it before, it made me uncomfortable, I was afraid to have someone so close to me, so close to seeing the real me. What a silly meme and thing to be fearful of! As I faced my fears the last year and worked on my self-expression, saying I love you has been a transition. As I have explored love, I have realized how much I do actually love these individuals. Next I had to say it. And it wasn’t for the first time, but the first to where it felt so genuine (minus ones said to my mom), where I actually was love. How relieving that feels. The more I say it, though, the easier it becomes to say. But also it doesn’t take away the meaning, but solidifies my feelings. I love my friends just as they are on their path, that I’m thankful runs parallel to mine. Yesterday reading Dr Dyer I discovered miracles happen everyday. what a miracle to wake today with two of my best friends in a state of inspiration and love! Thoreau thoughts:
The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend.
BE, Love, Illuminate,
- Love And The Fearful Ego (yourlifeisawesom3.wordpress.com)
- Letting go of the ego – Letting go of pride and arrogance… (mydailyyogapractice.wordpress.com)
- I have just met my Ego…Finally! (pearlofthoughts.wordpress.com)
- One Little Thing (learningmaster.wordpress.com)
- Enlightened Relationships & Transcending Pain (omgrey.wordpress.com)
- The Kindness in Struggle: There is None – 3 Ways to Be Free of Struggle (directyourownlife.wordpress.com)