A Love Affair with Yourself

On said hike the other day, I was pondering on relationships. I really don’t get asked out that much, but the last couple of months I find myself with many possible suitors, yet I hold back graciously trying to let them done politely. Why? This I’ve been going over in my head since I turned down the first one. What I finally realized was part of the problem for my unwillingness to enter a relationship is that I am not ready. I have spent the last year on this spiritual journey falling incandescently in love with myself. This may sound weird or vain, but it’s true. They say in order to love someone else, you’ve got to love yourself. How many marriages don’t make it? How many of us truly love ourselves? We spend our lives picking ourselves apart. Picking apart our image: I look fat, my nose is too big, I’m not pretty enough, whatever little ‘flaws’ we can find. We judge and put down ourselves. I’m not smart enough, I’m not enough in general. We make ourselves unworthy. Unworthy of attention or success or happiness. We chase after it, sure, but we never actually get there. Girls suffer from self-esteem issues. We need validation from others to show our worth: to feel that we are pretty, or desirable or smart or kind or to feel that we are loved. We want and crave that reassurance. We want that other half, then we will be full and complete. Are we only half a person on our own? Growing up, I fed into this, so lacking in self-esteem and shy. I was afraid to truly was to share my own opinions and thoughts. Last year it began to click, as my thoughts began to change. I began to fall for myself, no longer afraid to be or share myself. I began to love myself as I was. I realized my own perfection: born of the right time and space with circumstances bringing me to this very moment and mind-frame knowing that I can choose to love myself. I began to tear down the walls of body image, finding my own internal beauty. I realized I could be anything: I am smart, I am kind, I am worthy. I don’t need for others to tell me these things, I don’t need someone to make me feel me complete. I don’t need someone to tell me I’m pretty. Anything I want I can create. Nothing is impossible for me. There is no limit to what I am capable of. It’s funny that it took me so long to realize that this is what I’ve been doing because I tell my friends all the time that they are perfect the way they are and I will always love them unconditionally. So why not accept this and allow the same feelings for myself. So why would I be hesitant for

Loving What You Have

How can you want more if you don’t appreciate what you have? I feel enlightened lately-blissful, electric with life and love, genuinely happy, energetic; like I now see with new eyes where everything is vibrant and beautiful. I almost feel overwhelmed with how grateful I am of my life and the people in it. I want to tell everyone (and I’ve actually written several letters to friends and family expressing this). How often do we get caught up in things and feel we need to complain about how ‘bad’ we have it. I got a flat, I hate my job or I lost my job, I broke up with my boyfriend, I’ve gained weight, my life is so routine. Dr Dyer got on stage a few weeks ago, diagnosed with leukemia, coming from a less than glamorous background and foster care, and all he talked about was how great life is. A flat is an opportunity to meet a kind stranger, job problems are an opportunity to go after that passion you have (work towards the business of your dreams) or go back to school, a break up is a chance to rediscover yourself or find someone more compatible, weight gain is a opportuinity for a new journey to reharmonize your body, and feelings of boredom could be a symptom that you need a break (a little bit of an adventure, I’m always a big fan of taking off and exploring) or switch things up (change your route home or start a new hobby or learn a new skill). My brother-in-law and some of my friends have been going through some tough times, but like Dr. Dyer says, they’ve got to look at the positive and find the good that can come out of these situations (its often the darkest hours where we can find our brightest stars, you just have to be aware that it’s there and SEE it). Like I’ve told them, look at all the good

Love?

 This is something I’ve went over and over in my mind, but the complexity has kept me from it OR trying to write about it takes away from its magic. Just like defining play or the Tao or explaining a joke; it takes away from the essence and BEING that makes it wonderful. There are so many forms of love! It is probably the purest feeling and expression. What struck me in the Power of Now is that we love everyone, just with varying levels and intensities. This made me think, do I love everyone? I think of different individuals in my life. I conclude that I do- I LOVE EVERYONE. Why wouldn’t I love them? If I see myself in others and I love myself, therefore I must love them. What a strange thing for people to grasp, I would get some strange looks if I went around telling people I love them (especially guys because I feel like they would take it as a romantic gesture), like I’m a creep. I don’t really care, though, because that’s how I feel. Do I need it reciprocated? No, although I do believe the more love you project the more love you will receive! My friends laugh when I claim to be radiating love and kindness (the Power of Intention-Dr Dyer). It’s kind of like happiness. It’s a choice and I CHOOSE to feel love around me and to give love. I will admit when I’m

Defining Beauty

 Ah the vanity and pressures we Americans place on ourselves. The beauty industry makes bank and many drop serious cash in pursuit of approval, but for what? So some stranger tells us we’re pretty or do we do it for ourselves (sweating it out at the gym, painting makeup on, shaving, facelifts, countless diets where most end up starving themselves or worse making themselves sick, etc)? There is an ideal of what beauty is, but most go through life with low self-esteem because we do fit this image. Some of the prettiest people I know have the worst self-images. So who or what defines what is beautiful (like the Tao, says beauty only exists because there is ugly, but what is ugly, who is ugly?) I find myself getting drug into this too. I’ve put back on a few pounds and sometimes get on myself because I don’t look like I did this summer, but I have to step back and remember my inspired training. I am healthy (just like I tell people, this is a lifestyle and I do this for my future health, not some vain attempt to please other now); perfect the way I am. I am doing my best and I feel happy, my body fat is still healthy, so what else can I ask for or possibly

I AM

I know my post is supposed to be on Mondays, but yesterday my father and I journeyed to Chicagoto listen to Dr. Dyer speak, so we’ll consider today Wisdom Wednesday instead of Motivational Monday. For those of you whom may not know Dr. Dyer’s books have changed my life (hence my favorite book Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life, as well as Excuses Begone, The Shift and The Power of Intention). The year 2011 has been the year of enlightenment and inspiration. We often discuss priorities or goals in  life, my main priority is simple: to be good (call it to be god-like or spiritual or inspired, whatever is least offensive to you). Often I find we say this, but when we really break down what takes up most of our time, it’s full of thoughts of work or problems. I dedicate a majority of my thoughts towards being good, living inspired, and evaluating how to change behavior (here I’m judging I need to work on that, for example). We think of ourselves and often end up complaining about life. Dr. Dyer came on stage, a man who was raised in foster homes, had a tough up bringing, who has been diagnosed with leukemia, whose wife left him; yet there he stood before 1,500 people speaking on how great life is and how to live inspired. Sure there are set backs in life, but you have the

Change

Body CHANGE. Change is something we all talk about and is the only thing consistent in life. We often fantasize about change in our life. All the things we’re going to do to make ourselves Better people, better bodies, better finances, better lovers, better lovers, better friends, and so on .Somehow these changes will make up happy. But do we ever actually change, or for that matter Want to change? How many people complete their New Years Resolutions. For change to be made it has to be a constant thought, a sparked desire that you are conscious of. I’ve been on a mission to change my body (as you can see above, but first I had to change my thoughts. Previously (and I’ve mentioned this before) I’ve struggled with bingeing. I was always in a battle with my body. TRYING to be perfect and punishing myself with food, like more was going to make things better somehow. What I’ve come to learn in my journey is that I’m already perfect: born of the right time and place, setting me where I am NOW. So the key was accepting my perfection rather than

Journeys Away from the False Self

I know that I promised to discuss Thoreau on the blog, but it’s also about my spiritual journey which weighs heavily on the Tao and my Dr. Dyer readings. This particular adventure was inspired by my finishing of The Shift, I hope you enjoy it!Today I thought let’s go to the Park. So here now I sit on the most beautiful of days. The sun is shining, the temperature is perfect and there’s a breeze. I decide to swing, to explore the loss of self. So often as we age we consider things like swinging and playing the sort of things that children do. Adults are serious and have responsibility. So why the hell would a 23-year-old drag herself to the park on a work day? Well for starters I have done many posts on the benefits and my boy Mark Sisson’s is a big abdicate of play. but most importantly it takes you back closer to your beginning and true self. Have you ever watched a child play? They’re careless. They’re not yet conditioned to the thoughts of society and trying to portray a false image to the World that the ego says will make them accepted. They’re not thinking about how the other children perceive them. They’re motions are not contrived, they don’t worry about anything, thus they just ARE. It’s sad how this fades though. I’ve watched this with my nephews. Trenton would pick up any worm fishing a month ago and Saturday after watching Gavin refuse, he too would no longer pick up any worms. So today I find myself on the swing exploring my own inner child (or true self), not caring what time it is or what I have to get done today or what the lady pushing her daughter besides me thinks, just moving hypnotically with the wing. I explore my different senses. Watching the water flow gently (yet powerfully) down the river and the green trees surrounding. I close my eyes and hear the wind rustle through the tress as the birds chirp along while my swing creaks persistently in the background. Here too I feel. I grasp the swings of the swing and feel my body sway methodically back and forth. Feel the sun light up my back and shoulders as the breeze pushes my hair back. It’s amazing how something as simple as a swing at the park (that is free) can bring so much enlightenment and be so freeing to the spirit. Dance, play, sing, and find the hidden true self, rather than the false one shown to the world!